Severe & Complex Fibromyalgia... Long COVID... Chronic Illnesses... Chronic Pain... They all have one VERY Debilitating thing in common -- Hyper-Fatigue. Chronic Exhaustion. Stiffness. Overwhelmingly Heavy & Drained Body.
Found a Today's the Day from Journey... Telling, though — on this day in 2020 I was having the BlackOuts and said do... That's Pre-Dating contracting COVID and after the Occocuses...
Chronic Illnesses, Chronic Pain, Medical Conditions... Just literally anything that's permanently Wrong... The Weather -- including The Heat -- Makes Shit Worse.
I Went out for the first time in maybe 6 months This Time Last Week. Didn't feel like it had been Six Months since I'd done so. It was more fluid and natural than I'd done it, in a Long Time - and, significantly, with less Panic. Almost None - Quite Stoic, was I, to be rather fair.....
I'm So Hugely wound up and agitated, aggravated, skin irritated & prickly, sorely panicked and overwhelmed by being trapped and claustrophobic in my own self...
Just came round from Blacking Out AGAIN... Not Long had food–which was VERY Stressful .... an I am SERIOUSLY STRUGGLING with the Internal Chaos and Underpinning GRIEF that's going with it -- losing me, and being reminded of it at every turn is Anguish I Cannot Handle... obviously.
This Existence of Degradation is one I am able to stand less and less as time goes by. Time where I expected to have reached a plateau, where I would be able to at least manage... And I actually Had... I was getting there.
It's the Same Thing, Every Day, now. Sheer Exhaustion, Hyper-Anxiety, BlackOuts & ZoneOuts, one of my parents - or both - creating Immense Panic Attacks that sometimes, often, rise towards Meltdowns from the levels of Distress they cause and how I am [not] helped out of them...
Now Just Feeling OVERWHELMED by SHATTERED EXHAUSTION... Can't think... It's all lightening flashes & thick fog - and feeling like I am Drowning...
More Blacking Out, now... And it looks like now I might have a good idea as to Why....? FND - Functional Neuropathic Disorder.... Been through a LOT Of it Properly with a finer tooth comb and it's STRONGLY looking like I've pretty Much got a Ten-For-Ten case going on with The Symptoms of FND... As In ALL Of Them. I suffer from ALL Of Them...(!!??!!)
CONSTANT, Immediate, Out-Cold BlackOuts should not be part of Every Day Life. And I Don't Quite Know How it's managed to become mine, but it has, and it's Not Good.
All I wanted to do was play SIMS.
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