CONSTANT, Immediate, Out-Cold BlackOuts should not be part of Every Day Life. And I Don't Quite Know How it's managed to become mine, but it has, and it's Not Good.
Every Day is lost to it these days, it seems. If I am in any kind of Over-Exertion in Any form, my Mind & Body Simply SHUTS OFF.
~ Even as I am trying to explain it... I am Passing Out...(!) ~ If you look it up within the Symptoms of FND, they describe Exactly The Same Thing as what happens to me -- They Call It "Functional Seizures".
MAJORLY AGITATED.... On Tenterhooks... Severely On Edge... Can't Settle... HUGE Hyper Anxiety.... Yet, Entirely Vacant & Unable To Hold ANY Thoughts -- A Jigsaw of of a mind, fragmented into so many different parts & pieces, with most of them missing, creating gaping holes in the final piece -- so it never, ever makes sense...
That's Just Been My Entire Day... Today and SO Many Others. I've wanted to use the day to be CALM. To Get Things Done -- Or to Do Something that I actually enjoy for the sake of the enjoyment of it. Instead, there was Nothing But This, unfortunately.
It is Debilitating. AND -- It's Creating Too Much EXHAUSTION Inside Me....(!)
My Body has been PUSHED TOO FAR... The Constant Hopeless & OVERWHELIMGLY HARSH Agitation, Anxiety, Jitteriness, Hyper-Anxiety & Hyper-Vigilance...
It's causing Devastation to my Mind AND Body...
Including OVERWHELMING BOTH TO A POINT THAT CANNOT BE COPED WITH ANYMORE
It's Caused STRESS... Inability To Function... Complete Internal Instability...
Leaving Me On A Knife-Point Edge --
...And With EXTREME Levels Of NEGATIVE ENERGY with
Nowhere for it to go.
Today. Once Again. Another Day Of ... Blackout After Blackout After BlackOut After Blackout.... ALL. DAY. LONG.
The ENTIRE DAY -- I Have Been Blacking Out SEVERELY -- Again...
Even a Controlled Nap Didn't help... Just TOO TOO TOO Absolutely WRECKED. In MEGA Buzzing PAIN.. .... It's EXRAORDINARILY UNREAL PAINFUL SENSATION....
Eyes are like sandpaper, painful, scratchy, difficult to open or keep open. Sometimes I outrightly can't open them and/or keep them open. This encourages & prolongs Blackouts, as well.
The PAIN in my Teeth & Lower Jaw seriously make me feel like someone has just punched me - hard - in my face... and it's even worse if the tendon of the Jaw is pulling up too /- it even pushes a dent into the jawbone. This is -- as always -- because of mega-clenching because of Nightmares, and having to Endure them Constantly, over and over and over again, during the BlackOuts.
Hands are always Trembling and making everything more and more difficult the more stress there is, fingers weak and clumsy, feeling more like they're from the Claw Arcade Game to win soft toys or whatnots. Never feels like mine -- they're numb and don't feel much, so there's no real feedback from them, to help truly identify them as mine. I used to have extremely good Dexterity & Fine Motor Skills, and Great Coordination; I struggle to have any kind of all those, now.
The Headaches are like Migraines - they're not migraines at all, but they are just like them in a lot of ways, including some of the "Aura" type sensations or disturbances. They're rather like Tension Headaches & Migraine had a kid & added electrodes to every part of my brain, the back and front of my eyeballs, the top of my nose's septum, and around my eye sockets and cheekbones....
There's WAY Too Much air in Stomach and/or Bowels and it's Coming Out CONSTANTLY... BUT when it Does Do That It PHYSICALLY HURTS A LOT [didn't used to hurt; but then never used to be even 2% this bad either?!??].
I Can't BREATHE Very Well -- It's PAINFUL & DIFFICULT to take Deeper Breaths than usual... Last log on Amazefit SmartWatch was 92%.
Too exhausted & too weak to even eat OR finish my dinner -- Once again...
I WISH I'd asked for Toasties instead... bUT i REALLY didn't understand the LEVELS of Pure WRONG that was INSIDE ME, Today.....
Had ANOTHER BIG BLACKOUT During Eating Dinner... Should NOT have stopped the TV from carrying on with the next episode.... Once The TV was stopped with nothing to hold my attention. Off I Went -- I think for maybe half an hour, but it could have been even more.
Feel SICK -- ILL, Nauseated, TOO HOT - Fans Are Going Off, but not helping enough, DIZZY, Spaced Out, Disorientated, Disembodied & DISTURBED... I've Even Had to change into a proper sundress, I am THAT Hot, even with the fans going... I DO feel a LOT better with the strappy sundress on, but I am still very hot.
Read It All Up To Here... Now...
Is it any wonder my mind any body Just Cannot Cope with what it's having to CONTANTLY, RELENTLESSLY Go Through.(?)
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