MEGA MAJOR BlackOuts are just a CONSTANT fixture in my life now... And I'm rather skimming the edges of losing the will and battle to give any kind of a Rat's Ass About Even EXISTING Anymore. For What? Nothing... Literally Nothing? Just hollow NOTHING...
Having MAJOR MEGA BlackOuts Today... One not long a go from about 11:10pm to just minutes before 12am...
Looking back at all the entries in my Journey Journal for this month... I have spent it ALL in Severe BlackOuts. Day after day, constantly almost each entry details how I've been struggling under BlackOuts and unable to do anything, or even function in any way, at all...
Just came out of Major BlackOut ... Waiting for Someone to call from GP surgery - Supposedly the Dr is supposed to be calling me re the FND "Dossier" I [finally] sent to them, but I really have NO Interest in actually discussing it... I'm too exhausted, too overwhelmed and TOO GODS-DAMNED FREAKING DONE after the last few weeks and especially the past few days...
I'm no better but at least I don't seem to be any worse...? Spasms in legs went yesterday - now they're even more Useless than usual, and I can't do almost ANYTHING, because they're not back.
DISTRICT NURSES FAILING TO ATTEND STANDING APPOINTMENT & FAIL TO ATTEND A CATHETER EMERGENCY TO SOMEONE WITH HYDROCEPHALUS
Listening to Lindsey Stirling on YouTube... Calming, Comforting, Soul-Connecting, Soothing, Flying... Finding out more about her, too.
Another bad night with Nightmares that caused my jaw to clench SO hard my teeth are killing me - hasn't happened in a while, but seems it's back now, with it being the second or third time in a row now...
This is FIBRO HELL… Like I’ve been hit by a train, then a tank, and then by an Entire fucking PLANET……
Today is already completely kicking my ASS after yesterday… and to make it worse it is STILL 982mb THIS MORNING — FFS…!!!!! …. Could up some bit of lung-fluid and sticky-icky stuff. Came up easily enough with a bit of Ventolin… Thought it was because I might have aspirated meds, but it didn’t seem to be the case.
I've long always known I Belong In The Dark. But I made a... B.A.D Decision... After my Ococcusses.
So. Felt Super Nauseated this morning ... Made me check in the catheter bag cos it wasn't being good last night.. Annnndddd NOPE. Cos it's YULE DO-OVER DAY it QUITE NATURALLY went and GODS-DAMNED BLOCKED ITSELF....
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