Down  The Rabbit Hole
~ BLOG ~

Aspirating Again... On Coffee this time... It's STILL Not Over... Guess the bottom line is that this Dysphagia is Never Going To Be Over... Is It?? Fibromyalgia DOESN'T Do This.... And it's getting WAY Too Scary, now. My body, my system, is Disintegrating before me, and there seems to be SO Little I can DO to Stop It. This is far more than my Autistic Brain can manage, more than Alexithymia Allows me to Process. Chronic Pain was Bad Enough. Paralysis and Zero Touch sensation Crossed a BIG Line. Having my food & drink try to Suffocate Me??? THAT is going WAY TOO FAR.

FIRST TIME doing meds by myself and I ASPIRATED .... Lolli had to bang my back FOR AGES ... and I THREW UP the Aspirated Coffee ALL OVER ME & the FRONT OF MY DRESS. Lasted at least 20 minutes - the Choking and the Coughing, and the Back-Slapping, until it was ALL GONE & ALL OUT.... 

Been awake since 5:30am... Already over-exhausted and drained, barely getting out of bed. The Tendon is trying to come back. I Am Very Not OK - the "Vestibular Migraine Symptoms" are Ready & Rife, making me agitated, distressed, anxious, disengaged, disassociated. It's horrible and I feel extremely BAD & WRONG... 

Disorientated… All Morning, been Disorientated & Disassociated… And now I’ve finally realised I’ve got Vestibular [Migraine] Dizziness and a Thick Fugue & Haze around me – can’t see things properly — like there’s a very delicate mist and I’ve put the wrong contact lenses in from two prescriptions in ago (…still wearing my normal, perfectly fine glasses)…

Struggling With Food. Nightmares. Severe Buzzing Paresthesia. Fibro is being utterly Ferocious, as is what seems to be the RELENTLESS Symptoms of FND... 

Such Are The Complexities of Fibromyalgia - Incontinence, Pain, Fatigue, I also Aspirated a lot of coffee whilst trying to take Meds - just as I was starting to overcome a chest infection from that very same thing, too. Add That to having to deal with Autistic Burnout and Sensory Overload, it ALL adds up to a Bad Morning.

Woke up with some pain in my throat - having screamed for Carlos Alcaraz yesterday whilst winning and when he won... it's amazing there is Anything left. On Top Of That I've had Raspy Fibro Voice and I am LITERALLY TOO EXHAUSTED to Breathe. Or Manage. Move. Think.... ANYTHING. MEGA FATIGUE OVERLOAD - and it is UTTERLY INTOLERABLE....