This Existence of Degradation is one I am able to stand less and less as time goes by. Time where I expected to have reached a plateau, where I would be able to at least manage... And I actually Had... I was getting there.
I was STRONG... Stronger than I EVER Had Been, even when I was doing yoga in my late teens & 20s.
We were managing REALLY Well at our Premier Inn Getaways in Blackburn and Liverpool. Even kept going to Liverpool when Lockdown protocols allowed. We were REALLY flying at that point, and semi-independent, to a certain degree.... And A LOT More than we could have hoped for not that long ago beforehand.
Even at home, we were managing things, like creating Lolli's Corner in the Room, Sorting Things Out like post-disability spring-cleaning of things. Things were getting Sorted - cleaned, cleaned up, put away better, sorted Summer & Winter clothes , putting the Summer ones away because it was coming into Winter.
I was going to build a New Computer and give my current one to Lolli, after installing a few "upgrades" to it. I got the parts, it was ALL READY TO GO, To be MADE.
Then... I Got COVID.
... And Then.. Long COVID.
SODDING STUPID COVID... STUPID(!!) Which I hadn't known I'd even had. My Dad got it and was ILL. Lolli also Got ILL. And I looked after her 24/7 without a problem. It was challenging, but not hard or particularly taxing. I felt No Difference.
I got a PCR because My Dad Was Ill. I also aspirated on a cocktail sausage and gave myself a VERY Serious Chest Infection.
I thought it WAS COVID then, at that point, that was making my lungs suffocate me. I was dangerously ill, but again I didn't see that until it was nearly too late. I was coughing relentlessly, my burning lungs could not draw in nor keep breath, I was suffocating and drowning in Ventolin and Flixotide, trying to literally save my own life.
It took too many days for it to click it wasn't COVID, it was a Severe Chest Infection from Aspiration. The GP gave me antibiotics & faxed it through to the pharmacy, and I took the first one at night because my father did a "suicide run" [what I call rushing out to the pharmacy to get emergency meds late into the evening when Boots is about to close] to the pharmacy Just Before They Shut to pick it up.
That One Pill Taken meant I was already getting better by the next morning. It took a while, but it got better. However, I did Not Get Actually Properly Better
I ended up being Destructively Traumatised by it. And My Body Did, Too. I Got Long COVID. And it WRECKED ME.
We thought Lolli was having problems with her Shunt (despite the fact her cranium hole said there wasn't a problem with CFS Building Up; but then it could have been over-draining in the end). She was actually in A&E waiting for a CT Scan when I got the Texts to say that BOTH our tests were POSITIVE.
She immediately left the hospital because she was COVID POSITIVE -- realising also that's what had been making her So Ill. She Remained ILL for a Long Time -- and never properly Recovered, either. Unsurprising, Really -- Lolli Still got 2 or 3 more POSITIVE Tests as time went by. My Second PCR was Immediately NEGATIVE.
And Yet -- We Both Ended Up With SEVERE Symptoms of Long COVID.
After Long COVID REALLY Kicked In... I had No Chance. It made EVERYTHING Worse -- Like it turned the wackadoodle dial up to "Go NUTS(!!)", sat back to watch the Supernova Kick in. it
Living with Exhaustion that cannot ever be described... Is Horrendous. The Smallest Thing leaves me WRECKED. Going downstairs to just get my catheter changed, has be down and out for DAYS. Non-Functional and them
I have Uncontrollable BlackOuts. Once They Start... They can either "cycle" in "Petite Mal" Style Form, or turn into one big Unconscious "Coma" type. Or rather, they can sort-of be controlled, but that's by lowering the levels of Petrifying Stress Right Down and then some.
And Keeping Them There.
FFS!!!! FOUND THIS MORNING’S PREGABALIN PILL IN THE BED 😭😭😭😭🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ SECOND DAY IN A ROW MEDS FELL OUT OF MY HANDS IN THE MORNING–YESTERDAY IT WAS FUCCKING PINK (30MG) ZOMORPH!!! AND NOW THIS... Being Awake ALL NIGHT will DO that to you, though.... Fucking Fucked UP...
... fucking shocked I'm managing–but then I'm USED TO feeling SO SHIT that,.... well, I don't question feeling REALLY REALLY REALLY SHIT...
After so much, it's like being wet–once you're soaked to the bone, there's nothing but BEING DRENCHED -- whether MORE RAIN keeps pouring on you is just Irrelevant....
But NOW I AM NOT ABLE TO PUT THE PILLS IN MY MOUTH...
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