I Went out for the first time in maybe 6 months This Time Last Week. Didn't feel like it had been Six Months since I'd done so. It was more fluid and natural than I'd done it, in a Long Time - and, significantly, with less Panic. Almost None - Quite Stoic, was I, to be rather fair.....
Pragmatic.
I Needed to go to the Hospital. So... I Had To Go.
I refused to think about it -- only to focus on the fact this was a Necessary thing, and if left any longer it was going to be a Very Serious Issue, which I had NO Intention Of Allowing It To Be... Again.
I also went shopping for the first time in.... A Year?
I wasn't too tired. But I felt VERY Overwhelmed - I had SEVERE Sensory Overload - and I REALLY Didn't want to interact with people... That was Too Much.
The Sensory Overload is STILL Affecting Me Now... I Am Having More BlackOut "Episodes" than usual at this time [of day].
... Actually... I'm Starting To Think Sensory Overload is a BIG Trigger for them.
... & MORE Than That, Too .... It's Also CHAOS.
I can do nothing that involves Concentration or Focus... I can't even write this properly(!) - I have to do it in small bits and keep coming back to it.
It's how I've been writing most things these days. Can't even write my Journey Journal entries properly anymore.
The Chaos inside me is... Disturbing as Hell, Frustrating, Horrifying... Makes me want to do Everything At Once -- So, The Best Course Of Action Tends To Be Nothing.
... If I do one, it's like the others are there screaming because they need to be done, too -- Imagine A Gaggle Of Utterly Unruly, Demanding & Jealous Kids Desperate For Your Attention, but you can only interact with one of them at a time.....?0
It's Exhausting & Soul-Destroying because you USED to be ABLE to do it ALL at one point... It's Just Now You CAN'T.....?
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