Extreme Pain, Extreme Stress, Extreme Anxiety, Chaos, Distress, and Sensory Overload... All Causing Extreme Blackouts. Again - as usual.

Just came round from Blacking Out AGAIN... Not Long had food–which was VERY Stressful .... an I am SERIOUSLY STRUGGLING with the Internal Chaos and Underpinning GRIEF that's going with it -- losing me, and being reminded of it at every turn is Anguish I Cannot Handle... obviously.

THERE WAS NO WARNING — JUST Went out again – It’s ANOTHER Spiralling Hamster Wheel Day of Blackouts..... (SO MANY BLACKOUTS TODAY.....!!!!)... BAD VIVID NIGHTMARES.... Bad, Weird Taste In Mouth Again...

Was Slumped sideways and kinda forward onto the floor — I HURT Now.... ALWAYS Slumped forward like a marionette – only woke from the Alarm, going off for Meds.

SO SICK OF HAVING MEGA MAJOR BLACKOUTS–HORRIBLE AWFUL NIGHTMARES – SO FUCKING VIVID.... STUPIDLY DISORIENTATED, Coming Round…

Can't think....  It's hard to breathe...   Everywhere Is KILLING Me…

Brain is Blank and feels to Hyperactive at the Same Time.... (!!) …. Can't settle or concentrate & starting to black out again... Frustrated & Bouncy Bean inside head... Sensory Overload Going Bananas, I guess... Makes me think maybe a lot of BlackOuts are about Sensory Overload. (…??!)

Hands Are Shaking/Trembling Badly, too…

And Because of Fucked up Nightmares... Jaw is Wrecked again from Tendon thing going off in there.

I am SO FUCKING TIRED....!!!!! Brain is ADDLED with Confused Fibro Fog and OVERWHELMED Autistic Burnout….

What’s making it worse… Is They’re Possibly Getting Dangerous —

Woke up from one of the last BlackOuts feeling like I couldn't breathe.... Found SP02 SATs @ 85% on my watch…!??!??!!!! … I had slumped forward with my chin on my chest, blocking my own airway and creating Hypoxia until I woke up gasping for breath. Reminded me of what would happen when I had Whooping Cough — Would Keep Continuously Coughing until eventually Hypoxia would make me black out. I would wake up literally gasping for air. In exactly the same way.

Hamster Wheel Days are mainly set off by EXTREME Stress and also even Physical Endurance. It can be from a MEGA PANIC ATTACK-TURNED-MELTDOWN, to having to Go The Bathroom.

This time… It much worse than that.

---

Currently it’s in Quite An Extreme SUPERNOVA Plethora: Having an Abscess in my jaw — created from previously-mentioned Tendon Digging Into the Tooth next to it and causing some of it to degrade and break away. Dealing with Discomfort/Pain from it. Dealing with mild Infection.

Then… There’s Doing Something About It — Which is having to get it treated at the Hospital because it’s a Sunday going into Bank Holiday Monday. Waiting until Tuesday for treatment was Not An Option, so it had to be that day — a Sunday. I knew Quite Well that by Tuesday, I would be VERY ILL and it would be running rampant — and that was not going to happen this time.

Unfortunately that was also going to mean Suffering — Spending 12 HOURS Preparing, Going To AND ENDURING Being at the Hospital A&E Department itself for 5 1/2 hours. Having a Mini-Meltdown from the Sensory Overload of MUSIC PLAYED TOO LOUD — AGAIN! — in the waiting room. Having to deal with managing the Hospital’s… Everything.

...From the Sheer Amount of People around (i.e. more than about two others), the BRIGHT Lights, the Plethora of Different People having to be interacted with, the GODDAMNED WAITING ROOM MUSIC - - JUST WHY??!… & MAKE A SEPARATE TV-VIEWING SECTION ROOM!….

There's ZERO information about ANYTHING — Where you are in the Queue for a Doctor, Triage, Bloods, X-Ray… Whatever. No screens showing your name and room and medical person’s name, to go along with people shouting your name, there’s ZERO extra support or even UNDERSTANDING for people with Disabilities, LD/ASD/ADHD/ND etc.

They do NOT generally realise there is more to Being “Accessible” than the ability to Get A Wheelchair In...!

— AUTISTIC HOSPITAL A&E PERSONAL TREATMENT IDEALLY WOULD BE:—

• At least a Room with low lights and ZERO EXTRA noise. Just a low-light, Soundproof room would be great, thank you.
• PROPER chairs to wait for HOURS in, especially needed in A&E because VERY ILL people are there (I don’t need it but others DO!)… better chairs in most OPD Waiting Areas!
• A SEPARATE TV closed-off offshoot or Proper Room for whomever cares to watch it. Do Not make me subjected to it!
• STOP PLAYING AWFUL MUSIC! AND LOUD.
• A Visual Queue System on Screens for various Waits - Triage, Doctor, Specialist Consultant, Blood, X-Ray, CT/MRI, whatever other things.
• Visual Screen Calling System, as well as being called for (like some GP Surgeries), including Your Name, Room Number/Area and Medical Person Involved.
• A single-point healthcare person and Doctor to support relevant patients the entire time to interact with - Nurse, HCA or LD/ASD Specialist Support Worker, Scarecrow, whatever. Just Make it ONE Person!
• Disabled people, LD/ASD/ADHD/ND etc People FLAGGED on A&E Systems as requiring different needs, spaces, interactions, etc. with a space for how best to support. Then GIVEN said Support — even if it’s simply “nothing more than” the way they’re interacted with. Big difference Right There (!!).

Because of all this? The BLACKOUTS… The ZONEOUTS… The NIGHTMARES…

AUTISTIC BURNOUT… MELTDOWN… TERROR… FEAR… OVERWHELM… SENSORY OVERLOAD…

TORTURE.