Found a Today's the Day from Journey... Telling, though — on this day in 2020 I was having the BlackOuts and said do... That's Pre-Dating contracting COVID and after the Occocuses...
And it was happening then, for certain now. Because these days, they're simply The Norm...
Like Now.... I've Just... Been Rotting... In a brain-dead ZoneOut Land all morning and early afternoon... Languishing and staring at phone and random crap on it. Turning To Minor BlackOuts.
The only good thing to come out of it was finding that Journey Journal input about the ZoneOuts / BlackOuts --
Not only Verifying they've been there a While, but also showing they're more than Just Post-COVID, Autistic-Burnout Made... Is Distressing. More Akin to maybe showing as FND, instead of other things. That FND and "Fibroplegia" are basically the same thing...? This was written Three Years Ago To The Day [Today].
The only good thing to come out of it was finding that Journey Journal input about the ZoneOuts / BlackOuts --
Also... I've Just Been Wasting what feels like all the spoons in the world trying to put clothes from the seahorses back in, after taking them all out looking for something to wear to go with this blasted Heat....
Ripped my favourite orange dress... It got wet from helping with Lolli's shower, then I forgot about it. In its weakened state it got ripped — made a BIG Hole, too — and I'm GUTTED.
But that's what you get when you end up being Three Sheets To The Wind after doing the Catheter Change and the shower...
Didn't even really register it was wet or why it “felt funny”... This morning I struggled to get out of bed even being pushed and then I found the hole.
... Couldn't tell you when it happened — could have been then or even sometime before. Either way, it's so big, you could drive a Truck through it.
Stuff. Just... Sucks. A LOT....
That is the kind of outcome expected when things are like this -- when I am like this... Exhaustion, Fatigue, Fugue State, ZoneOuts & BlackOuts...
Inevitably they will cause great stress, anxiety & distress, all then subsequently makes even more of the same... Therefore, Subsequently Creating [even more] Exhaustion, Fatigue, Fugue State, ZoneOuts & BlackOuts... And The Spiral Continues to Twist & Spin & Confuse in an Untimely Dizzying Manner.
This leads to MEGA Exhaustion. To Breakdown. To Even More Bad Decisions & Bad Mistakes. Sometimes Dangerous Ones.
It's Already Leading To MASSIVE Indecisions on a lot of Important Things That Shouldn't Be Dawn-Out Or Even Done In This Condition... but I hardly get a Choice in when I can do such things, because whenever I am stuck like this, in the Hamster Wheel of Hell, it's constantly intense, for long stretches of time... Meaning Bad Things Happen, because of that Indecision.
It's certainly leading to More CHAOS... To Destructive CHAOS.
It's Also Breaking My Body -- I do know that.
And That Is Devastation I Cannot Afford To Have Heaped On Me. [Anymore]
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