It was District Nurses Time Again. It's only been One Week since they last came, which is Zero enough time to even begin to recover from the last time. The last time was Physically & Mentally Brutal; there was No Way I was in any way prepared to go and do it again. But -- I had to.
I AM [STILL] AWAKE. AND I AM SERIOUSLY MESSSED UP.
I am SO STRESSED Today already..... (Started Before 1:30pm!!)... I am Hyped-Up-Chaos Personified... It Literally makes me feel sick & spinny - like I've come off a fairground ride...
The seemingly unrelenting Weather-Induced PAIN & Restlessly Rapid-Cycling Air-Pressure Bleeds Days, Week, Months... Into a Blinding Haze of Blackouts and AGONY... Autistic Burnout and Extreme Breakdown that WAS starting to go away, has Escalated over the Past Few Days
Have done nothing but zone out blank-minded for the last HOUR, instead of doing LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE... Wanted to play GAME, more than anything — BUT. NO... APPARENTLY. THAT'S NOT ALLOWED... NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN...!!!!
I am in STUPID PAIN... ZONED OUT... Have Done NOTHING... And I am SO SO SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS PRISON I am being kept in...
Feeling like I've been by a PLANET.... Vibrating Buzzy Feels are BAD... They're STUPIDLY PAINFUL and to go Right Through Me and put my teeth on edge -- sometimes it just makes me jump into a tub of ice cream just to soothe it all away. It's all Nightmarish... And I Don't Ever Get To Wake Up From It. EVER.
I am REALLY NOT OK... Really Not Functioning Well -- Physically or Psychologically... I am ALL OVER The Place. I Cannot Focus, and I can't even say I'm Particularly Lucid. Everything is getting away from me, and I'm Zoned Out, Frustrated, Lost, Annoyed.
LOLLI AND THIS SUPRAPUBIC CATHETER DEBACLE IS ABSOLUTELY ABSURD.... HAVING TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS HORROR NIGHTMARES JUST FOR A CATHETER & QUIET LIFE...
It's been a LONG Five Months... The Suffering has been SEVERE for EVERYONE in this Family Household. I don't think we will truly Recover from it -- I think it's CAUSED RAMIFICATIONS either Directly Because Of - OR, At the VERY LEAST -- Brought Certain Things FORWARD.
Mam had to come and wake me -- probably with difficulty -- especially because I'd fallen forwards and was partially obstructing my airway, making it an obviously dangerous position to be in, and I was making "snoring" type noises of air struggling to get in and out... It's FREAKING SCARY...
Add RAIN and 40mph GALES... It's a FIBRO NIGHTMARE...
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