I am REALLY NOT OK... Really Not Functioning Well -- Physically or Psychologically... I am ALL OVER The Place. I Cannot Focus, and I can't even say I'm Particularly Lucid. Everything is getting away from me, and I'm Zoned Out, Frustrated, Lost, Annoyed.
The Popping Candy PAIN & Paresthesia is Absolutely UNBEARABLE... It's So Overwhelming, it leaves me Literally & Physically Breathless...
I am Sluggish, Overwhelmingly Fatigued, Bone-Deep Tired & Exhausted... And that's just after all I have done is get out of bed [Read: roll off /drag self the 4-ish inches between bed and floor], and helped Lolli take her afternoon Meds.
Thing is, at the same time I also feel like I'm rather almost Vibrating Overything is Slow & Heavy -- Like The World... Me... Everything... Is Made Out Of Treacle, and having to wade all through it. Joints feel like there's Gravel in them.
Trying to do Literally ANYTHING is MASSIVELY OVERWHELMING.
My Spine feels like IMMENSE Electrified Acid, and my entire Back feels like Deep Burning AGONY. This makes ANY kind of Movement STRONGLY Nauseating, as well as causing Breathlessness
I currently seem to have a Permanent Vestibular Migraine ingrained into my Brain... Ever since it started doing this RollerCoaster Isobar Crazy, it's been back & forth between Barely-There and "I Can't See Or Move From SERIOUS Vertigo". It's REALLY Not Nice to experience or live with... Even as B.A.D as Headache Migraine is to experience, this is almost Worse in some ways.
I am STUPIDLY... Dizzy... But It's Not Just DIZZY... There's EXTREME Disturbance & Disorientation in Spacial Awareness, Focus, and it looks like things are moving, floating, vanishing and re-appearing... Anything from a physical thing like a pen, to words, randomly float, or move on the page....
... I can't even describe how it really feels to experience this phenomenon -- Opening my eyes makes me feel like I am lurching all over the place, like I'm on a lifeboat in high, treacherous Storms with crazy waves. Eyes are seeing and Not Seeing things all at the Same Time... Everything is Excessively Woozy & Disorientated, constantly Moving. It's Utterly Awful -- Horrible.
My Eyesight is unfocused. Everything looks Immensely Hazy & Dull, like my glasses need a lot of cleaning (yeh, they don't, though...!)... and everything looks more more like a dream sequence in a movie... Pretty Sure it's because Head Is Also Going Through A Vestibular Migraine, Too....
Hands & Fingers are Trembling Badly... They're actually almost uncontrollable at times, and WILDLY Incapable, almost to the point of having outright Dyspraxia-type difficulties at its worst-- difficulties ranging from annoying when I'm dropping things like my false nails when trying to glue them on, to BAD when typing and keep making Mistakes (me!! -- the Audacity!!), and then borders on the outright Obtuse & Pointless-Even-Trying to do anything. My hands or fingers Cannot Grasp things -- cannot close around them. "Clumsy" with everything, like trying to reach and knocking things over because my spacial awareness ability seems no longer available to my brain. Inability to manipulate things, or manipulate my fingers.
...This makes things almost Impossible when having to try and help Lolli with things... Her Catheter, Bowel & Hydrocephalus are Playing Havoc right now and I would ideally be a LOT Better Than This to help her with the things she needs...
Even Von Willebrand's Disease is back to playing up again -- despite the extra Vitamin K generally stabilising it.
Isobar RollerCoaster is going UTTERLY NUTS Right Now...
The Range of the Isobars run from 30-31st March with 989mb all the way to 1st April with 1021mb... and now 1029mb on 2nd April
Rising 50mb in a matter of 48 hours...
FIfTY!!!!!
At 9am on 31st Marchm the Isobars were All The Way Down To 982mb
If you also count this Reading at 9am on 31st March, it's actually FIFTY-SEVEN millibars that it's Risen in 48 Hours....
COPING
I think the only reason I am COPING Better Than Lolli & Still able to Physically Move A Little Bit More, Able To Help Her Myself... Is That I've Literally Learned How To Exist In Blinding AGONY.
Lolli has Physical and Cognitive Disabilities... But She's Never Truly Experienced Life-Destroying Chronic Illness & Chronic Pain before. Living with the kind of pain that DESTROYS your brain and cognitive lucidity every moment that PAIN SEARS into your Brain.
On October 31st 2023 will mark the 10 Years Anniversary of this Thing Starting. Meaning I've been living with SEVERE Chronic Pain for A DECADE.
Seems Unreal. Wish it was -- Obviously.
... That does't even begin to cover the Chronic Back Pain & Sciatica I've been living with since I was 13yo because of Lumbar Disc Degeneration, further exacerbated by at least 3 horse-riding accidents a few years later... One Very Severe, after I'd Just Turned 16yo.
It's taken Quite A Few Digestive Biscuits and a Wispa, but I am Starting to perk up somewhat right now... I have tried toast and jam for this, but it had a much less impact than it usually does.
Coffee has done Nothing -- as is Normal with Isobar RollerCoaster Rubbish...
...Sugar manages to help somewhat, most of the time, and Caffeine too often does very little, if anything. That is NOT the way around that makes me happy... (I do not particularly like sugar or sweet things, and I love coffee...!)
It's so jarringly horrible to be So Unaware of time passing... --Planning on doing things, then your brain goes hazy.... You try again, but then you Zone Out Again -- and next thing you know?....
It's Yet Another Three Hours Later and most of your day has already gone. It's Meds & Dinner Time -- meaning it's after 9pm, or even 10pm, and your day is Done For. All Your Plans Are Done For. Whatever You Needed To Do Can No Longer Be Done. Any Hope For A Good Or Productive Day Is Gone. And One More Day Out Of... Hundreds... Has Slipped Through Your Fingers, Yet Again...
Whatever's left of your "day" during the Nighttime Hours is, more often than not, more Black-Outs & Zone Outs, still unable to do anything much, not even physically get into bed, because it's too hard and too painful to manage it. Maybe you can play a bit of a Game, because now ALL of your Meds have kicked in, you have had the Most Pain Relief You Can Have.
But All In All... Fibro, RollerCoaster Isobars, Long COVID, Chronic PAIN, EXTREME Fatigue... have ALL STOLEN YET Another Day... And most likely will do it again Tomorrow -- No matter HOW Much You Plan It, Again.
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