It was District Nurses Time Again. It's only been One Week since they last came, which is Zero enough time to even begin to recover from the last time. The last time was Physically & Mentally Brutal; there was No Way I was in any way prepared to go and do it again. But -- I had to.
The Reason this is happening is making things worse, too -- it's Just Catch-22 and then some, sometimes.
The Exhaustion is Overwhelming. Drained beyond life itself. Vacant & Helpless Despair, that could be Dangerous if I was left alone to its whisperings.
And So...
Just -- Here We Are Again... I REALLY thought I was going toget out of the Woods about a couple of weeks ago, but shit's just shoved me Right Back Where I Have Just Been... & Trying To Escape...
I am DEFINITLY 100% [One Hundred Million Percent] DROWINING In Autistic Burnout - AGAIN.
..... In fact -- Sod the Burnout.... It's more like Autistic Inferno by now....
I am SHAKING BADLY once again. In AGONY. Unable to drink Coffee - I was already devouring coffee again, in attempts to Stay Up & Keep On Top Of My "AuADHD" [unDx'd] Brain -- and EVERYTHING it was throwing at me. BUT -- For Today... I have NO Idea What To Say inside to the BURNTOUT FRAGMEMTS OF MYSELF ANYMORE....
After a MAJOR Scared - physically Traumatic especially (see above to where I was and what I am doing) and it's already made my Physical effects -- which is that I am in AGONY.
I am Vibrating and in Hyper-Anxiety. I am Agitated.
And of course -- the Dysphasia it brings, as well. It's Not MEGA Bad... But enough to make things VERY VERY BAD...
Can't Settle - AT ALL.... Massively agitated... Stuttering around Helplessly on Twitter... MAJOR Autistic-Burnout Situation... Fibro Flare-up Is Going Nuts...
Just want to Play My Game -- WHY Can't I???
Helplessly, I Too Often Feel Physically Imprisoned by my body... 'Every small movement of any kind either Doesn't Happen because I Can't Move... or it's an Exceptionally Distressing Ordeal that causes Panic, which I can't then control. That then causes more Panic.
On Top Of That, I feel Overwhelmingly Imprisoned by my Room - from the fact I CANNOT Do Anything or Manage ANYTHING with it, because I am Imprisoned By My Body...
... Because My Body literally CANNOT Move, and any even small attempt means either Just Not Moving — because it Can't or you get hit with THE Most Unbelievable PAIN in All The Possible Universes in All The Multi-Verses... Which can render you winded, entirely unable to breathe well at all, trying to… Well, Survive?
I am Now Blacking Out -- Brain Literally Just Cannot Take This... OR ANYTHING
Wanted to play Andromeda... Blacked Out instead - only JUST about came round... Feeling WRECKED..... That Buzzing Feel is around too, under the skin - Makes me feel Utterly Horrible. It's also Not Going Away...
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