I am in STUPID PAIN... ZONED OUT... Have Done NOTHING... And I am SO SO SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS PRISON I am being kept in...
AND I REALLY REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHERE THEY KEY IS -- SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE... (!)
Checking through the current Forecasts for the next week or two -- it's CONTINUING with RollerCoaster Isobars THE ENTIRE MONTH...(!)
THAT makes it SIX GODDAMNED MONTHS OF ROLLERCOASTER ISOBARS HELL -- AND COUNTING...
It was one thing a few years ago when I was barely into my Mid-30s and this happened -- but now I'm hitting the Downhill side/Slide of the Peak and I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT MORE THAN THIS HELL NOW....
I have been at its Mercy for 1/4 of my Entire Life. An Entire Quarter... That's .... Terrifying...?? Overwhelming? Certainly Gives Some Pause.
Another 1/4 of my life also belongs to Hell On Earth, too. From 12-22years old. It was a Different kind of Terrifying & Overwhelming... And arguably -- these days -- not even as bad. At one time, I [thought I] had Survived & Endured The Worst Life Could Throw At Me. But -- I'd had No Idea what The Sick Bastards of the Universe had in mind for me, Just Ten Years on...
... They gave me Just TEN YEARS after I escaped it... Ten Years to be Awesome, to fulfill my Dreams, to Achieve The Impossible, To Be The Best I Could Be. Then they snatched it away -- ALL that hard work, they destroyed in a MOMENT.
Thrown to the Daemons of Hell Itself, it feels. It sure does, when that AGONISING PAIN Inside Explodes and Burns my brain SO Badly, I just see White-Out and Stars...
And I've had to Exist in that state ever since. The One That They Left Me In, which seems beholden to an Entity that seems to govern My Body, no matter what.
Instead of being a Person, I feel like that I am now Nothing But A Puppet that has my strings pulled until they Scream-- by an Entity that Cannot Be Controlled in any way shape or form...
... The Gods-Forsaken Weather.
Isobars... Paresthesia... AGONY... Popping Candy Buzzing PAIN... All Still Devastating Me.
... THIS Year, I have had this Fibro-Daemon on my back for TEN YEARS . Have been Paralysed for SIX YEARS. Have had to rely on my parents for my 24/7 care for SEVEN YEARS.
Having to endure this LIMITLESS Condition & Situation... Same Physical Pummelling, Same PAIN, Same Inability To Actually Physically Move... Same Fight For Some Kind Of Sanity... All. The. Time... 24/7/365.
Groundhog Day. Every Day.
The Nightmare That Never Ends.
Add comment
Comments