I am SO STRESSED Today already..... (Started Before 1:30pm!!)... I am Hyped-Up-Chaos Personified... It Literally makes me feel sick & spinny - like I've come off a fairground ride...
I Feel JUST LIKE A HYPER UP HAMSTER ON A SERIOUS COFFEE BINGE... AND. I. HATE. IT....
Can't catch a BREAK... ANOTHER DAY THAT STARTS OFF WITH STRESS AGAIN....
And had to get up out of bed to help Mam clean up Lolli at just past 12pm, and JUST taking meds THEN, too, because she's leaving to go out ASAP... Lolli is still only just starting to show some positive changes to some things getting better - but bowel incontinence is still there, unfortunately.
... And there's NO WAY I'm physically capable of doing it on my own 😢😭😞 I'm physically SUCH a Gods-Damned MESS... After EVERYTHING -- I can barely move. The Isobars have been So Nightmarish... It's making everything SUPERNOVA PAINFUL... But Also Sending Fatigue, Exhaustion & Drained Levels STRATOSPHERIC...
I'm MEGA STRESSED & OTT CHAOS -- and I AM JUST WAY MEGA OTT Sensory OVER OADED ...
I've been fielding PINGS EVERYWHERE From Mam & Dad -- both in SHOPS AT THE SAME TIME NOW... and I'm SO DONE!!!! My Brain Feels Like It Has Been Physically BROKEN.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO THINGS THAT DON'T INVOLVE ME???!!!! It's AFTER 5pm and ALL I've DONE Is This. If I wasn't A COMPLETE WRECK Before [and I was]... I SEROUSLY Would Be Now... And I AM ... BIG Time.
Coffee isn't helping. Nothing is, really - even sugar. And usually, just a little of something with sugar in gives a Big Boost. Now, like Coffee, it's Doing Absolutely Nothing...
I REALLY Hate This Day....(!!)
MEGA On Edge...
Tomorrow is Catheter Day {again...?!}... And that is TERRIFYING... In the STATE I'm in now.... I can still barely move - and if I try doing something I can't I literally end up SCREAMING in MEGA PAIN... And then AGES Blacking Out From It. I am MEGA SUPER Fatigues & Exhausted; leaving me entirely Non-Function.
So, I'm not looking forward to the prospect of Going Downstairs, Waiting Around - or Rushing... because they don't give a proper time, and you gotta just guess.
Then... there's having to Endure Coming Back UPSTAIRS Again... And basically Collapsing & Dying for at least 72 Hours STRAIGHT Afterwards, trying to Recover from it.
FROM. GOING. DOWN. STAIRS....
On the Surface it's SO Gods-Damned RIDICULOUS. But THAT Is What I've Been Left As, After The Last SIX MONTHS FROM HELL...
All Chewed Up And Spat Back Out Again... As LESS Than Nothing, this time...
It's pretty dammed humiliating, is what it is.
Running ALL These Problems alongside Autistic Burnout, Sensory Overload & effectively smothered ADHD Adrenal Overload (whatever this Thing is Really called), too.. It's making me feel like I'm Spinning Out of Control & being Utterly Bombarded from ALL Sides.. . .... ....
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