Once again, Left WRECKED and Rotting from the Inside Out because of what was forced on me over the Past Year. At EVERY Opportunity, it seems the NHS is Absolutely INCAPABLE of actually being FULLY PROFESSIONAL & PROPERLY ORGANISED.
Or I should say the people who WORK for them — because the SYSTEMS ARE There.. It’s Just that They Do Not USE Them. Or Their Brains. Worst Of All… SO MANY are lacking in Basic HUMANITY — Care & Compassion shouldn’t be a Second Maybe-Thought…
It’s Absolutely PARAMOUNT.
After 4 ½ months of being Broken Beyond Repair by hospital Urology Dept, by Denying my Urgent Surgery (as deemed by Consultant Himself Directly) instead deferring it from May 2025 to nearly the end of Sept 2025. They had to be threatened with the ombudsman before giving me a date. BUT, after that, Surgery happened — I Ended Up With A Post-Op Infection… One that’s Lasted More Than 3 MONTHS.
Because I was fighting that, I was then Debased, Mocked & Bullied by a GP at my Surgery that I didn’t know (bringing in MASSIVE PTSD Flashbacks) and making me feel COERCED INTO FEELING ENTIRELY OBLIGATED to FORCE [what is left of] Myself to the Surgery to be SEEN… On implied threat of Absolute Ghosting and Ridicule. That DECIMATED ME in a way I haven’t been since I was hospitalised for SEPSIS/SEPTICAEMIA including TWO Types of Blood Poisoning… AND It wasn’t even WORTH it because THEY DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING…!!
I did that on 24th November… Today is 30 DECEMBER and I am Not Even A Smidgin Better than I was after that. In fact, I’m a TAD WORSE, because yesterday I had to crawl downstairs and get my Suprapubic Catheter changed by District Nurses — AFTER already doing JUST THAT, right before Christmas already, for the formally BOOKED day… that they DID NOT Honour and FAILED to appear at, or call back about.
So for the SECOND TIME in Two Weeks, I FORCED myself to Go Downstairs…after one of the worst nights I’ve had in TWO YEARS. I could barely move and I was Blacking Out [FND Functional Seizures], because THEN, had to wait 2 ½ HOURS for them Downstairs, to turn up after the expected time, because they didn’t call ahead to say they were running late.
I couldn’t get upstairs like I usually do — I had to have Mam to help me physically move my legs for me — when I’m usually perfectly capable of pulling myself (and legs) up the stairs Quite Well & Quickly On My Own. Even then, I BARELY Made It…Exhaustion, “Petit Mal”-style ZoneOuts, HUGE & OVERHWLMING DIZZINESS— And Not To Mention, A BODY THAT ALMOST ENTIRELY COULDN’T BE PHYSICALLY MOVED. I can’t move it myself from BEYOND-EXHAUSTION & Rigidity Spasms. Others can’t do it because of the Rigidity Spasms.
I feel worse than I did after the absolute WORST of the 6+ Hours of Dance Rehearsals for shows I did — They were BRUTAL. I could barely walk back home and the muscle rigidity and agony of it meant stifling my screaming every time going up and down the steps to my front door. Ever since then THAT Level of Muscle Pain is called, “STEP-OW”. For Good Reason, I think…[!!}
I have MAJOR MEGA MONSTEROUS “Step-OWWWWWW” in my back and shoulders now.
I can only move myself with my arms and shoulders, affecting my shoulders, scapulae, and back the Worst. The levels of them are horrendous. Showers are not even an OPTION anymore, so I can’t even help myself with THAT.
And NONE of it would have been A PROBLEM if Urology hadn’t Physically Broken Me, and the GP Surgery hadn’t DESTROYED ME… Oh, and if the District Nurses had kept their Original Appointment, as well.
ALL Were CHASED. REPEATEDLY & PUSHED. For Information. For HELP. For TREATMENT. YET — They shouldn’t NEED to be Aggressively Chased for ANY of those things.
It should ALWAYS be a PARTNERSHIP; working together for the greater good of that person’s health. Instead… It’s Just One More Pathetic GAME of OVERLORDS vs MINIONS. And if the MINIONS don’t play with stealth, subterfuge, and cunning strategy, the OVERLORDS Always WILL Do Nothing But CRUSH Them. And Win.
Thing is, when WE ARE the LOSERS… We really ARE Losing Our Lives. We really DO End Up DEAD. Or Dying. Or just… ZOMBIFIED: A Degrading, Broken Body with no Soul or Brain to occupy what’s left. Because You Don’t Have To DIE To LOSE YOUR LIFE.
What I HATE about it the MOST… Is the SHEER IMPOTANCE I feel about it ALL. The ENTIRE LACK of AUTONOMY is Physically & Psychologically Degrading AND Destroying.
And that always ends up with Vulnerable People Left AT THEIR MERCY…
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