My sister and her lovely girls came visiting yesterday.. It was very unexpected and not pre-planned, like it usually is. From the minute of being told in the morning, I had no ability to even process it.
There’s an infamous playground right by the house that’s been there for close to 100 years. My Nieces are the 4th Generation of our family to play there. My parents went with the kids and my sister to play. I was left home. Upstairs, where I can hardly move, these days.
I was barely even aware of the entire thing happening. I was Much Too Overwhelmingly EXHAUSTED.
That haze of pure and total, beyond human, levels of Pure & Total Hyper-Exhaustive Fatigue. The entire thing still feels like some strange dream-memory than something that actually happened.
The girls do want to know, “Where is Aunti Leli?” — although they are highly aware, and even more accepting about it, that she’s a very unwell being, mostly of mystery — albeit one that gives some Really Nice Presents and sends random Messenger messages via their Mummy.
I had been planning since LAST YEAR that THIS Year Aunti Leli was at least going to be able to manage… SOMETHING. But... One Hospital Urology Department + One Post-Operative Infection because of those people + One VINDICTIVE GP without a CLUE = The MOST Badly ILL I have EVER Been that didn’t include TWO types of Blood Poisoning and SEPSIS.
Proper, respectful Patient Care would have made sure that I could have at least been downstairs to play with them. That I could have even done something over the Summer Holidays with them, too.
But undermining a Vulnerable, Ill, Autistic Person was FAR MORE IMPORTANT than doing all the right things, the helpful things… and all the things that would have led to a speedy, successful minor surgery, that would have ensured a family didn’t collapse and implode under the weight of being Ghosted and Ignored by The Hospital, whilst the Adult & Capable Patient became A Crippled Nothing that needed caring for LIKE AN INFANT for 129 DAYS, then fighting an infection AND GP Surgery for 3½ MONTHS just for Basic Treatment.
And Four People with nothing to show for these few days in December but Exhaustion, Anger, Loss, Disappointment… and a LOT Of Trauma.
And I can’t even Get My Head Around Any Of It. It’s Just… TOO BIG. Too MUCH. My brain is a heavy, sluggish HELL of thick, ice-cold porridge and powdered custard, all weighed down with lead suits filled with
I cannot FATHOLM how they have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. I haven’t RESTED since May 13th [‘25]. Even THEN I wasn’t Well. We COULD have been saved; instead we were decimated.
And two little girls are STILL Wondering, “Where Is Aunti Leli?”.
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