Mam has gone to see Little Sis to look after The Kids, whilst she goes to see some comedian at the theatre. Effectively Abandoning Me - us - To My [our] Fates.... (!!!)
On a serious note, that is Three Days On Our Own -- when we're really in No Fit State to be doing anything Alone. We're both Really Wrecked - the Heat has been Relentless; Isobars doing whatever the hell they've felt like the entire time. It's been monstrous and damaging... Destroying, in fact.
This means not having the extra things that Mam helps with now she is home & Retired from Work - Supervising Medication (I've started making BIG Mistakes), Helping Lolli Clean Up, Getting Up In The Mornings, Morning Massage Therapy [helps me move around in the morning without being in Agony, cos Fibro Sucks], Helping Me Get Out Of Bed, Extra Psychological & Emotional, Physical Support, Helping With Sorting The Bins, Support & Help Clearning & Cleaning Up... More.
The Soul-Destroying Thing Is.... These are all things I Was Doing Myself This Time Last Year... But After Winter From Hell Last Year.... Fibromyalgia, "Fibroplegia", and Long COVID went Wackadoodle as a response, and left me with Absolutely Nothing. Nothing At All.
As Incapable as I was, both with and after the Occocussess. It's Terrifying. Because the Sheer Claustrophobia it brings on, thinking - knowing - that I am TRAPPED... IMPRISONED... Inside This Good-For-Nothing Broken Body with No Way Out. [...except one].
And Now... Looking at having to get selves up for the first time in several weeks tomorrow [later "Today"...?]... And I'm scared.
The Last Time I did This... It was basically a Mitigated Disaster and didn't even get up for the Alarm....
Soooooo I'm half-thinking I'd mostly be better off just Staying Up - Then going to sleep After Meds, knowing they have been done and Properly.
Today has been bad; tonight has been even worse for.... Things Just Being WRONG.
Almost an HOUR have squandered l, apprehensive, Hypervigilant and unable to decide. And Most Importantly... Having no idea of I could truly disconnect.... Immersion is a word they are No Longer Familiar with.....
To Have To Endure Endless Time In This Futile State Is Just Beyond Words & ARDUOUSLY TORTUROUS.
Was probably a good thing didn't bother with Shep [Mass Effect Legendary] in the end, like I was spinning back and forth constantly and inconsistently with... Lolli ended up needed help with Cleaning up earlier, and I didn't remember till nearly 11pm.... And needed to do that instead. And I doubted there would be ANYTHING left after that.... Yet, it turned out that I still drastically over-estimated what I was capable of afterwards -- which was very little and even more agitation because I Hadn't Played Mass Effect.
.... .... .... On the other hand, if I'd have actually simply played some Shep in the first place right away... I'd have had over TWO HOURS OF Play Under my belt already, by that time, if Only I'd Just GOT. THE. FUCK. ON. WITH. IT...
FFS -- Assholes... My brain cells are Assholes .....
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