• Autistic
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Hemiplegic Migraine
  • C-PTSD
  • Wheelchaiar Whizzer

Aspirating - Waiting to Inhale...

Published on 11 July 2023 at 23:32

There's been an Ongoing & Growing situation where I have been Aspirating food & fluids... Which, Quite Frankly, is getting into Terrifying Land Territory...


Spent all morning after Meds being WIRED after Fearing & feeling I'd Aspirated either actual meds or coffee again...

I hadn't. But the FEAR was Immense....

And it happens pretty much every day, every morning at least.

I am now So Scared... Scared enough to have asked Mam of my own Volition to call the Drs for me to speak to them... Get it “registered” onto the Notes & even ending up with a referral to SALT {Speech And Language Therapy} from said GP.

I can't even believe they actually listened and believed me - something still I never believe to this day, whenever GPs or other Medical Practitioners actually listen to me and work with me. 

The Worst Of It Started on 19th June... [2023]

I have actually been Vibrating Scared all morning after (unknowingly) aspirating on coffee whilst taking my Morning Meds... And the worst thing is I didn't even know I'd done it, until I suddenly couldn't breathe properly a moment after.

What did happen was I struggled badly with taking the Meds - and I never usually have difficulty with taking Morning Meds, so it was already a shock before anything else.

They got stuck in my throat and into the space my one and only missing tooth left behind. It took a few seconds to sort and I thought it had eventually gone fine.

But... It wasn't Fine... The coughing then started in seconds, and it started choking me. Mam did The First Aid Back Slaps over and over again as bits & bits of coffee came out, covered in {to me, “the usual”} sticky-icky Gunk {that comes with being an Asthmatic}.

A bit would come up, then I'd still feel bad, before the coughing started again, over & over again, maybe Four times.


I took my inhalers after feeling it was maybe cleared, but I couldn't inhale them right, and I still felt the familiar “heaviness” in my lungs when 3 separate hardcore inhalers QDS had been required, indicating all wasn't right.

When the coughing happened AGAIN...
This time
it was B.A.D...

It took a LOT of HARD Backslaps, then in one Massive ball of Thickly-Congealed Sticky-Icky Gunk was A LOT OF COFFEE.


There was actually too much for it to fit into the waiting tissue in my hand... Instead it fell into Lolli’s new cooling blanket, which, naturally, made me feel even worse.

It looked SO Gross there... A load of thick white, sticky Gunk, with most of it mixed with mid-dark brown of aspirated black coffee...

Part of me felt like I was coughing up fur balls... It was that hard; It was that much...

Immediately, I could Breathe... That Heaviness evaporated into super-light empty lungs that felt like balloons and had all the space in the world to fit air into every corner & nook & cranny bits taken to get to this point in the way down to the bottom.

I can't tell you how terrifying that was, to Truly Grasp what had happened... Really. Grasp. All That Coffee Was. In. My Lungs.

The Very Idea Of It Makes Me Want To Scream & Throw Up... Trying Not To Remember The Images Still Seared Into My Head Of That "Longest Night", when I nearly didn't make it through from inability to breathe... The Struggle, The Panic, and understanding that if I somehow didn't Get Something Right... It wasn't going to just be the Longest Night, it was probably going to be My Final Night.

That same night, I tried the same food again. Something different — but I have the same thing happen, again.  Regardless. I Aspirated on my Dinner.

And it hasn't stopped since. I am Still Struggling Every Single Day with trying my damnedest to Ingest my food, drinks & meds -- NOT To Inhale & Aspirate Them.

I have been so damned shaken by this Aspirating... thing... I have been Vibrating Scared.

... Keep Being Vibrating Scared.

I AM Relieved to say that I have Not been Drowned & Suffocated by Relentless Flashbacks of my chest infection whilst I'd apparently & unwittingly had COVID.


The Spectre At The Feast is Still There... But it's not the Overwhelmingly Petrifying Vivid-As-The-Weeks-I-Lived-It Flashbacks, as it used to be... More Like A Daunting Black Shadow, eerie and pressing down on the back of your mind...(?)

But.... Even Then... THAT Chest Infection was caused by Aspirating on a cocktail sausage and then some coffee..... [on 31st October, 2021 - Naturally.....]


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