Lolli's Not been draining properly All Day; I've been trying to fight the Catheter, and I just did a Flush around 1:55am... But that's not been that helpful either... She's now retching badly without anything Vomiting out because she hasn't eaten anything... And I'm getting Horrendous Bowel & Bladder Spasms as well... It's JUST A NIGHTMARE...
BUT ... I AM SO WRECKED AND EXHAUSTED... BUT I CAN'T EVEN GET INTO BED I AM THAT FAR GONE INTO BEING WEAKENED & DRAINED & DONE RIGHT NOW... I PHYSICALLY CANNOT MOVE...
A Few hours ago, around 9:oopm -- I HIT MY LIMIT... Was DONE Already; then Lolly was going to Vomit again. So I ?Rushed to get the Bags, involving pushing myself up onto my knees and scrabbling physically for the Vomit Bags in the Storage basket on the bed... But I think that was one push too many in the end...
Unfortunately, that's just when Dad came up with my Dinner, too.....
I fell back in AGONY from getting the Vomit bag and was after that literally UNABLE To Move. I wasn't even able to properly Breathe from the INTENSITY of the pain and the familiar tightness in my ribs that meant a BIG Spasm.
...Then, The MASSIVE Body-wise Spasms Started, and worse -- in my legs.... I can't feel my legs -- so when the nerves that are still there somewhere to BAT-CRAP-CRAZY inside from MEGA SPASMS... I CAN'T DEAL with the AGONY that it Causes... MY LEGS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EVEN BE THERE ANYMORE, LET ALONE IN CONSTANT AGONISING PAIN...
In the end, I had to get Mam to come here via Alexa Announcement, as she was in her room -- Dad heard the message and went to fetch her for me. She managed to reach my Oramorph and give it.
It wasn't until just turning 10pm that I started to feel better. I was brave enough to allow Dad to reheat my dinner and try eating again. At least I did mange it - which is a BIG Fucking KUDOS to me. (!)
All Because....
I have to physically DO almost EVERYTHING for Lolli, because She Can't -- Get her meds and give them to her... I have to clean her after bowel accidents... Tend To Any & All Of Her Catheter Needs -- New Leg Bags, Drain Leg Bags, Remove Night Bags, Check Catheter 24/7 for issues, problems, blockages, draining issues, Flushes & More...
... Physically sit her up in bed and move her around the bed... Help her Drink Fluids... Rush to find and retrieve her Vomit Bags when she is about to Vomit (happens on a dime; usually when the Catheter is being a Prick; Vomit bags always inevitably will NOT be where I last put them, and I have no idea how or why)...
... I need to fetch her things... Find her things... Sort out her Meds to be made up every night...
This is ON TOP OF Me Doing Anything For ME. ... And there isn't much of THAT going on because I've got to either save it all for helping Lolli or I've used it all Helping Lolli... Even going to the BATHROOM is LITERALLY TOO FUCKING MUCH to handle or even MANAGE anymore... And All the Above??? I have to do it FOR ME, TOO. Everything Times TWO.
INEVITABLY?? -- NOW it looks like that SAME PLATEAU I hit last Winter is being Hit AGAIN... After EVERYTHING I had to do regarding Lolli, her Catheter and the Hospital from November 1st 2022 to the end of JANUARY 2023,
I AM UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY PHYSICALLY DONE!!!!!!
I HAVE TO DO SO FUCKING MUCH I LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE -- NOT EVEN GET INTO FUCKING BED... !!!!!
THIS IS ALL TO DO WITH FUCKING LONG COVID BEING FOREVER FUCKING COVID AND IT EATING MY SOUL ALIVE WITH EVERY FUCKING MOMENT I AM ALIVE...
FUCKING STUPID COVID -- STUPID!!!
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