AUTISTIC BURNOUT: Too MUCH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

There's a CATASTROPHIC CRASH & BURN WITHIN ME NOW… I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKING DONE.

WITHIN ME IS A HOLLOW HOLE THAT'S BEEN FILLED WITH SCREAMING VIBRATION FOR SO LONG IT'S NOW ROCK SOLID AND ABOUT TO COMPLETELY EITHER IMPLODE OR EXPLODE INTO ONE HORRIFIC NERVOUS BREAKDOWN… NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Feels like my thinking brain has HAD AN H-BOMB THROWN INSIDE IT, AND IT HAS NOW GONE OFF.

The rest of my INSIDES are chaotically being TASERED, flinging around a Bouncy Castle in a FUCKING TUMBLE DRYER… Without Absolutely ANY SINGLE clue about what it’s doing. Or WHY.

I am DONE… SHUT DOWN… UNABLE TO FUNCTION – PHYSICALLY, COGNITIVELY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY… IN ANY WAY.
AND THE PAIN THAT COMES WITH IT IS MONUMENTAL(!).

I have been Effectively DESTROYED FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

I am ANXIOUS & ANTSY… Unable To Settle…. Can't make decisions… Want to do SOMETHING - ANYTHING - but don't even Know WHERE To Even Begin To START… In feel like TEARING OFF ALL OF MY OWN SKIN… Gritting my teeth until they Vanish…

And as soon as “NIGHTTIME” kicks in, to be Honest, all that then goes UTTERLY SUPERNOVA. THE NIGHTMARES ARE TRULY TERRIFYING… and the NIGHT-TERRORS… INFINITELY WORSE…(!!!!!!)

I Just Think That, Now… I’m Just Sodding OVERWHELMED, FRAYED Beyond The SEAMS, Stupidly TERRIFIED of EVERYTHING…

I am Quite Literally VIBRATING Inside – Millions of individual cells powered by it's own TENS Machine turned up to MEGA-SUPERNOVA & Going Absolutely BANANAS Inside My Skin, Inside Muscle Tissue, Inside My Very Bones…

…. And — Those TENS Machines Are Out-And-Out OUTRIGHTLY Filled, Powered, CHARGED By the things I Want to To Do… And Zero Stillness, Or A Sense of which, where I can & could & should apply myself to Doing Things. Anything – Everything – SOMEthing…!!!!

However, I am also Vibrating With Intense, Severe PAIN… And That Pain is basically STOPPING me from Doing Anything… They Cancel each other Out into a feeling, a sensation of, Limbo Inertia… Unable To Stay; Unable To Go… So, Unable To Feel Stable or Safe - which is Emotional Torture for me…

Everything that’s been going on…. It's been an AVALANCHE of Absolutely – Alarmingly – & OVERWHELMINGLY – Everything & ANYthing…

Nothing But That RAMPANT RUNAWAY TRAIN … Which has been Going Off The Rails For Months – And It’s now Derailing … CATASTROPHICALLY.

I’ve been Silently Screaming whilst that Train has been Careering Away With Me Trapped On It — NO SAY in what happens, whether I’m there, and knowing I Cannot Be Saved… That I WILL Crash And Burn With It when it Finally Hits That Final Mountain And Explodes.

Nothing But A Passenger… Prisoner… On This Ride Straight From Hell Itself. AGAIN. Because, in my life, this is Just How It Goes. And CRASHING & BURNING into a FULL NERVOUS BREAKDOWN is Nothing New To Me.

Hasn’t been, since I was 12.

IT'S BEEN THREE goddamned MONTHS
OF HELL ON EARTH –
AND IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING OVER WITH YET.,..!!!

There is NOTHING LEFT – AND STILL IT KEEPS ON GOING!!!!

I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS –MONTHS!!! I HAVEN'T EATEN PROPERLY IN MONTHS!!! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO ANYTHING IN MONTHS!!!!

IT'S A PRISON I HAVE BEEN THROWN INTO THAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, THAT I CAN'T LEAVE & IMPRISONED FOR A CRIME I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE….

I am TREMBLING SO Much I am Literally VIBRATING…. IT LITERALLY GOES RIGHT THROUGH ME WHEN THIS HAPPENS(!!!)

IT'S ALL ABSOLUTE FUCKING TORTURE.

IT'S NOW BEEN ONE GODDAMNED MONTH since the Catastrophic A&E Catheter Incident -–Boxing Day 2022 – and IT'S ONLY NOW BETTER…!!?!?!?!?!!!!

@ 5:10PM TODAY….!!!!

WTELAF IS WRONG WITH HOSPITALS?!!!?!?!?

WHAT A FUCKING PALAVER…

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO ANYTHING… IT'S STOLEN IT ALL –WITH ZERO ROOM FOR ME IN THIS PITIFUL EXISTENCE...