Existing With Nothing, No Even With Dignity...

The GODDAMNED Night Bags keep coming OFF my Leg Bag For Some Reason?!!!??! They NEVER seem to come off Lolli... They didn't even come off ME in the HOTEL... !!!!! ...This is getting TOO HORRIFIC NOW -- happened 3 or 4 times since come back LESS THAN 2 DAYS AGO!!!

AND. THE. GODDAMNED. SMELL....!!!!!! IT'S TURNING MY FUCKING STOMACH SOMETHING ROTTEN.....(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 
WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS?? SO DISGUSTING - NO SHAME - HUMILIATION - NO DIGNITY... IT'S HORRIFIC...... It's Inhumane!!! 

HATE Just how horrible it all is -- Dignity isn't Diminished... It. Is. GONE.

Other people have to do Everything for you. You end up covered in your own bodily fluids. You suffer the indignity of people bathing and toileting you. Of cleaning constantly soiled clothes. 

I have 6 or 7 identical long, black skirts, because I WILL ruin at least one or two Per Day, if not MORE. I have that many Skirts, 3 or 4 identical dresses of each of my favourite kind, 2 or 3 of each favourite top- and so on - because I HAVE to get the wet one off and a clean one on IMMEDIATELY... 

ANY fluids touching the mostly-dead nerves on me, especially my legs will cause UNCONTROLLABLE AGONOISING AGONY like BOILING HOT FAT being Poured All Over Me...(!!!)

Just ... HOW Is THIS ANY WAY To Have ANY KIND of even a Bare Minimum EXISTENCE??

Sickening this IS --
If I was a cat/dog/horse I'd have been PUT DOWN YEARS & YEARS AGO --
because "what Quality of Life could [I] possibly HAVE like THAT...??"

Well. PRECISELY.

I have "Precisely ZERO Quality of Life". I live in a bed. In a Room. I TRY and... Do Something, Anything, to feel... Something. But THINGS always happen that GET IN THE WAY. Seriously Long COVID put paid to a bunch of other stuff I could Still Manage To Do... And All The Time I Get More & More WRECKED... 

Unable to leave, Unable to GO Anywhere or Look After Myself, Unable to work (despite a wide & extensive range of skills, experience & Gifts coming out of my ears), Unable to Mange, Clean or Tidy My Own Space, Unable To Stay Awake/Conscious Properly throughout the Day, Unable to be Clean or Shower or Bathe, Unable to Wash My Hair [my former PRIDE & JOY], Unable to Change My own Tena Pants (aka Grown Up Pull-Ups), Unable to Make My Own Bed, Unable to DO Anything With Myself That's GOOD For Me [see all above as yo WHY], Unable To Make My Own Food [anymore; LOVED to cook], Unable to Focus, Unable to Sleep [WORSE than EVER - AND With NIGHT TERRORS], Unable to Remember, well, ANYTHING EVER [STM & LTM are SHOT], Unable to Manage My Own Thoughts or Decisions, Unable to Cope With my C-PTSD & Other Serious/Complex Mental Health Problems [been in therapy since 12; NOTHING works!!].........

... And Covered in my own P***, because my leg and night bags apparently HATE each other too much to put up with each other for a half-decent amount of time... !!!!!!

BUT APPARENTLY -- It's F**KING FINE for  HUMAN to have to SUFFER ALL THIS?!!There is SO Fucking LITTLE Humanity in life towards HUMANS...

It's Horrendous......