Still feeling So... HOLLOW.... Emptiness of Nothing Inside... And that Nothing is so scary & horrible I just don't know what to DO with myself...
I'm STRUGGLING. BADLY.
I am Literally VIBRATING… !!! ...THAT’S How BAD It Is… And The PAIN is RIDICULOUS…
The Isobars are kicking my Butt, like they ALWAYS DO…
I am Blacking Out… Eyes burning too hard in acid and sandpaper grit, ears felling like there’s cotton balls in them, and so, so, so… EXHAUSTED. Actually, No. Scrap That. DRUGGED. Can’t-Keep-My-Eyes-Open Drugged.
Like every time I get given Fentanyl for a small non-surgical procedure and I can’t wake up properly afterwards. Or just about any Tricyclic Antidepressant when I was 12.
That bit’s ironic. Because when it was General Anaesthetic I was given, I woke up in Record Time and Stayed Wide-Awake…
They’re Exhausting in Themselves, The BlackOuts…
Keep dropping the iPad… wanted to play Dragon Age: Inquisition, but my brain feels like Popping Candy and my fingers are NUMB and Weak — despite being actually warm.
Everything is Just Sludge all around everywhere …. It’s like the entire AIR is made of it… It Moves SO SLOW and it looks and ironically feels more like a Dreamscape than the Hallucinations.
I KEEP Blacking Out, which is horrific and destroying each time it happens… They take time away into the Ether and bombard & overwhelm me with NIGHTMARES that are UNBEARABLE.
And maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if could have drunk my coffee… but I Couldn’t Actually Even Drink My Goddamned COFFEE….
Its THURSDAY Now.... And on SUNDAY we are {supposed to be} Going To The Premier Inn for 5 Nights... so much…
I can't see how this can POSSIBLY GO WELL...
Lolli isn't up to much, can't help me with anything. Is Recovering from Being In Hospital with Damned Sepsis...
She is sleeping now. She couldn't help me with Meds. I feel Lost and EMPTY...
And that leaves me Alone without Clue... Lonely & Hollow… and SO FUCKING AFRAID ....
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