How is it that the NHS has got it SO Bad WRONG, that even things I DESPERATELY NEED to have checked out now — because they’re REALLY Getting Worse, and... Well. Just a little bit Super Concerning — are getting totally, pathologically Ignored by Me now...??
Because it is FAR TOO MUCH TROUBLE, far more than it’s probably WORTH, to get them looked at in the first place, let alone the tests and whatever it takes to look ingo them.
I know I’m Supposed To Go. That things Definitely Need Checking, and that I Really, REALLY Cannot Go On This Way Anymore.
But — frankly — I think I’d rather eat my own eyeballs with a healthy dollop of Pesto than go to the GP and ask for their help about either of these things. I have a friend who is having one of those Things being “investigated” by the clinicians — but in hospitals Far Away, because the local health board dumped that, and their patients, onto them.
These “investigations” ALL involve trips all the way there, and a myriad of different tests and a waiting list for each one. That is NOT something I can actually Deal With right now — I can’t even Deal With the stuff that’s already been Diagnosed. Any more travelling, tests, appointments… They’re all going to SEVERELY Derail this Fragile Body — one that’s already crashed into an oil tanker and spectacularly exploded all over everything in my life.
I can’t even afford a sniff of doing ANYTHING right now. The NHS has Decimated Me in every possible way for the past 12 YEARS, and has spent the Past 12 MONTHS trying to Extensively Surpass Itself At Every Possible Opportunity. I am depleted so much, it’s to Dangerous Levels of ZERO NOTHING.
My Spoons are non-existent, and I have Nothing to use for ANYTHING, anymore…. All the way down to Eating & Drinking.
Even WRITING does me more harm than good, nowadays.
There’s NOTHING Left To Investigate JUST THAT Actual FACT — and isn’t that so darkly, utterly Ironic??
There is NOTHING LEFT for The Other Thing, that is now more than debilitating and making the EXHAUSTION 100x Worse.
So… I could try to see if they’d take me seriously and waste spoons attempting that. If they even DID want to go ahead and help, I’d then be subjected to Appointments and Tests that I can’t afford to actually attend.
The Bottom Line…?
I chance my arm on the premise they’re going to listen? If they don’t, that was A Big Waste Of Spoons.
If they DO end up helping me, it’s going to make everything MUCH Worse, and all in the name of nothing more than Just An Answer — or… more like Confirmation. I doubt there’ll be anything they can [or will] do to actually Help me — they never do. But at least I’d have answers…?
Getting My Answers at the Cost of my Health… OR… Keep going like this at the Cost to my Health.
Damned If I do.
And Damned If I Don’t.
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