It’s YULE. The Longest Night. The Darkest Time… To be followed by the growing light and hope for the Springtime. For me… It’s Just The Darkest Times & The Darkest Night, full stop.

After LAST Year’s Yule, it just seems more like “YULE YEAR” where the Darkest Night Just Never EVER Ends...

And Now Yule has come back round again… And so far, the Darkness STILL hasn’t lifted. And we’re back here again, already… 12 Months later, with no part of any “light” to show for it.

[Stupidly,] After That Last YULE I had Big Hopes. Plans. BUT THIS TIME ANOTHER Government Agency Stepped In To Force Their Time Scales Upon Me Without Question… Stunningly, it was the NHS.

Four or Five appointments in the FIRST THREE MONTHS of 2025 directly after going through that… and FAR AWAY… were already too much for me to be able to handle… Yet, there was At LEAST Two More To Come In June and July; and that’s what we KNEW of at that point. It ended up being a LOT more than that, and a LOT Harder Than That, by Year’s End (both the Pagan Wheel at Samhain, and everybody else’s “Normal” Calendar).

They Indeed HARMED Me Immensely…. But NOT even as MUCH as when and after my Suprapubic Catheter Came Out & Closed up, and the Hospital made me WAIT 4 ½ MONTHS… Without ANY Cather… for Reinsertion Surgery— AND that was AFTER My *CONSULTANT Himself* Stating It Was URGENT.

That Utterly DECIMATED Me — and ruined my “summer”, because I was trapped inside my room over, either because of and/or fear of, the piddles coming out whenever it damned well wanted to. It’s NOT nice being an Adult and hugely wetting yourself several times a day.

Every Single Day. For 18 WEEKS — or 129 DAYS.

Then… My GP Surgery decided to make it worse, and go one step further to Completely ANILIATE My Health Altogether… Starting with one of their GPs sending me an unprovoked, uncalled for, and Insultingly Sick, Ableist, Mocking, & DEBASING Text Message, when I asked for More Help with a long-running Post-Op infection from said Reinsertion Surgery.

This was also followed by [effectively] Emotionally BLACKMAILING Me To Attend Their Clinic, when they KNEW I had been left HOUSEBOUND by ALL the above [and much more]… When this was ABOUT aforementioned Antibiotic-RESISTENT Post-Op Bacterial Infection, that has now been going on for OVER THREE MONTHS.

… And SO F’Kn STUPIDLY, I WENT. A Traumatic Response to this from deep CPTSD from similar situations as [nothing more than] a child, meant I was more scared of not going than the Catastrophic Consequences I knew would happen. I SHOULD have been STAYING PUT and Looking After MYSELF, instead of listening to, and bending to the will of, stupid asshole people.

I am now DONE. I’m SO ILL, ALL I’m doing is Passing Out from FND Functional Seizures, leaving me unconscious for an hour or two, OVER and OVER again EVERY DAY, in what I now call “BlackOut Cycling”. They mainly come from EXHAUSTION, and are worsened by PAIN and ANXIETY. Sometimes they happen from PAIN Alone.