I’m not just Spoons Bankrupt… I am Spoons Derelict. Left a Ruin of what once was. Made All The Worse by the past Six Months ALONE. The 12 years before that were horrendous, and Catastrophic. But in 2024 I was starting to actually Recuperate.
Until.
The NHS, Social Care & DWP decided THEY were FAR more important than my health, my welfare or my mental health. IRONICALLY[?], IF IT WASN’T for THE Manner they Conducted Themselves [which was BADLY]… I’d actually be in a MUCH Better, MUCH Healthier, MUCH More Functional Place, than I EVER Will Be In, Now.
First, In October 2024, Social Care IMMENSE Stress, Distress & Anxiety with how HORRIBLY Threatening They Behaved For Absolutely NO Reason.
Then, that was followed by The DWP sending me a PIP Renewal Form, expecting it BACK by 22nd December — that’s the Day After Yule; my “Christmas” as I describe it to everyone. It not just Ruined My December, My Yule & Christmas, but it also Destroyed Me. What I’d recovered was Decimated, and with an Extra 10,000 Steps BACKWARDS. To make it worse, it wasn’t DUE until JULY 2025, and yet, it’s STILL NOT been Processed.
Jan - March 2025 brought a flurry of appointments that were UTTERLY Wrecking. But by May, I was starting to show some signs of Recouperation, at least.
Then, My Suprapubic Catheter Came Out.
What Came Next Was Absolutely CATASTROPHIC...
So, NOW?
I get no sleep, can eat very little food if any, and able to drink very little. I have matted hair and — until recently — was forced to wet myself constantly every day for over four months. I can barely move, but even the smallest amount brings Pain, Exhaustion and Breathlessness because I’ve been RUINED to t he point where it is literally too exhausting to even breathe.
This wasn’t from Neglect… This was because a Department in the Welsh NHS Hospital I was supposed to be seen at refused me surgery. Ignoring the constant emails telling them how much worse I kept getting. Ignoring the Consultant declaring it "URGENT". Ignoring me until I threatened them with the Ombudsman - whereby they called me not TWO DAYS LATER to offer me a place. Oh The COINCIDENCE....
I was supposed to be recuperating after a hard few months from December 2024 through to April 2025… but instead of that, I got this.
Then even after the surgery, they ignored Vital Information and ended up inserting medical equipment that gave me an anti-biotic resistant Infection — hardly surprising, given I can’t move off because I can’t eat, or sleep, or barely drink.
My Spoons were already BEYOND Wrecked, and I was already physically Ruined… before the Infection. Now I’m… The Crawling, Wheeling Dead.
ALL of my NON-Energy is taken up by the MYRIAD of Medical Conditions I have. Now they’re joined by overwhelming amount of physical strain AND Six Weeks’ Worth Of Infection. My Mental Health Everything is Off The Charts.
Every Single ONE Of My Conditions & Illnesses Are In MEGA, MAJOR FlareUp... ALL the symptoms Aflame, like someone turned EVERYTHING from 9.5 to about 30,000.
Inside, I’m not even CRAWLING along the floor in the desperation of exhaustion and Being SO DONE. I’m lying down, dragging myself by the fingernails every now and again. Between BlackOuts. Getting Nowhere & Dying. Right now, with this coinfection looking more and more like it’s heading for Sepsis…Maybe I might be.
Or the Absolutely STRAIN of being THIS DAMNED ILL might just get me first.
WHEN Will These Institutions EVER EVER F’kn LEARN???
The NHS… Social Care… Health/Social Care Professionals as individuals… The DWP… I cannot understand WHY they have to Work So Hard at being a closed-down, Inhumane, Debasing Machine….
In Tandem, They OWN You… And Truly Believe That They Should.
I’m trying to literally just survive now… I’ve been given a SEVERE Post-Op Infection by a hospital department that Ran Me Down To Nothing for over 4 Months, making me wait for DESPEREATELY needed surgery… Deemed “URGENT” by the Consultant Himself.
For 6 Months I haven’t been able to eat almost At All. I’ve barely MANAGED ANY Fluids Per Day. The Catheter they then inserted into me was The Wrong One — one that I was BADLY Allergic to— and I developed an Antibiotic Resistant Infection. FIVE attempts and it’s STILL There [Is it any wonder, though, if I’ve eaten next to nothing for Half A Year??]
So, I’m trying to “fight” this, but at the same time, I’m also Drowning In Appointments. Even down to GP KNOWING that the latest infection-searching swab could be taken at home by my mother (Retired RN) and it could be taken straight to them; easier for all.
Instead she insists she needs to send Nurses out here — Yesterday — and therefore FORCES Me go downstairs to see them (UTTERLY WRECKING ME) and have them take the swab instead. On A Day where I’m barely even starting to recover from driving a 4-hour roundtrip to an appointment two days prior… AND when there’s also a Telephone Appointment already set up for the same day as that swab, about something else - Oh, ad THAT just HAD to be done PRECISELY THEN, too.
There’s ANOTHER Phone appointment EARLY on Monday… Then TWO MORE appointments far enough away it requires a 5 day hotel booking to make it to them.
This Entire Month was already Written Off by around the last week of October. Then EVEN MORE stuff came in for it.
No Rest or Recouperation. From Last December, my life has been a HECTIC WORLWIND of Detrimentally Exhausting, Harming, BREAKING…CHAOS.
A YEAR of HELL — one I’d originally been hoping for Answers, Recuperation… Even Recovery… All Because These People DECIDED. DESPITE being told It’s Not Good. That' it’s NOT RIGHT. Despite being BEGGED Not To Make It Worse.
Despite Being Told HOW BAD the Consequences Were, ARE & WOULD BE… They did things, Decided Things… ANYWAY.
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