Dysphagia, Food & FND

In too much PAIN. I am BEYOND Far Too EXHAUSTED & FATIGUED.... I don't know what I'm doing, or what I should be doing -- given the circumstances.... But if you really want to respect those -- there's really not much a CAN do.

I can't eat. I can't drink. Or rather... I rarelry manage either of them. And it's easier to just eat a small jam tart or donut to keep blood sugar up than to actually eat a little bit of what might pass as "food".

I'm left with little food I CAN eat because of Dysphagia. What's left on that list I can barely eat anything of, simply because it is too exhasting to actually eat then - as in to physically eat and/or process afterwards.

I'm left with little abilitiy to drink water -- between Dysphagia and literally all my other conditions, it'a almost not possible to manage it.... Pure water BURNS LIKE ACID almosr ALL THE TIME. I always had nothing to blame it on but Fibro, but it's probably inevitably the FND... When I CAN have it, I'm gratified and happy (I actually like drinking water; especally the Passion fruit and mango infused ones)

I struggle with coffee, but I just manage that beause it's not quite pure water; it's obviously got coffee brewed into it. Just Doppio Starbucks Pod Espresso. That's all I can have -- it guts me like a fish to have just that.

No matter which, I also cannot drink ANYTHING if I cannot give it 100,000% of my concentration -- it's SO dangerous, it's unfathomable. I WILL Aspirate ... And I will have to spend upto 30 minutes trying to evacuate my lungs. So, if I'm too tired, in too much pain, upset/distressed and so on, I cannot drink anything (even physically). And it's NOT safe to do so, either.

Either way, I spend a lot of my time either mildly or extremely Dehydrated, and that is AWFUL. I can probably thank my Autistic Brain for being generally disembodied from general physical awareness, that this doesn't drive me crazy, because it's horrible to feel so THIRSTY and know you can't have anything to drink...

I actually MISS eating, too... And isn't THAT a gods-damned revelation to someone who's been fighting Anorexia & Bulimia for nearly 30 YEARS....