• Autistic
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Hemiplegic Migraine
  • C-PTSD
  • Wheelchaiar Whizzer

The Waking Nightmare

Published on 6 October 2023 at 22:55

Been awake since 5:30am... Already over-exhausted and drained, barely getting out of bed. The Tendon is trying to come back. I Am Very Not OK - the "Vestibular Migraine Symptoms" are Ready & Rife, making me agitated, distressed, anxious, disengaged, disassociated. It's horrible and I feel extremely BAD & WRONG... 

.... Been awake since 5:30am - and I am trembling, shaking, in stupid pain, can't see worth of shit, can't think whatsoever, struggled for like 10 mins to get a FUCKING JUMPER ON... That's AFTER I spend AGES trying to Find It.
I can't even really read fan fic... Can't even really read what I am WRITING now.... 

Massively into Autistic Burnout - AGAIN... Huge Sensory Overload Overwhelm. Huge Adrenal Overwhelm. MasFibro Flareup. Leaving me Unable To Function Whatsoever.


I have been Blacking Out for AGES - and spent AGES more -- trying to get MYSELF up for Meds...... Then having to wake up Lolli... then having to DO the meds for the both of us Myself...

... THEN there's rushing and panic and pain when Lolli's brunch is made and is ready without warning - and I am still zoned out and not come round yet 😭😭😭





Have tried Two "naps" today.... TWO!! -- AND STILL Nothing..... There IS No making it better....

No wonder I was out of it for SO FUCKING MUCH  those months where I was a dead duck by the real fire downstairs

BEARLY Been Conscious. BEARLY Touched My Coffee.


Brain Fog DOESN'T END. NOTHING is Clear, Sharp, Focused... Or even makes sense. It's Walking through Treacle, thick custard, hardening concrete mix concoction.... whilst also wearing a super-heavy lead suit.

Moving AT ALL, Breathing, Thinking, DOING... All A GODS-DAMNED LUXURY I am RARELY Afforded... Bequeathed. I sure as HELL CANNOT EARN It


... It's more than a struggle.


It feels like a grainy, hazy, sickeningly gut-punched WAKING NIGHTMARE...


One That You CAN'T EVER Wake Up From.


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