• Autistic
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Hemiplegic Migraine
  • C-PTSD
  • Wheelchaiar Whizzer


Published on 4 October 2023 at 20:10

Well.... Think I might be done with parents. Mam is nothing more than a petulant child who can't even listen to me when she says the will. Who won't help me. Who should NEVER HAVE HAD ME.

ITS SUCH BS people say children with special needs are given to special parents but she'd more like a Narcissistic 5yo too much, instead of a 66yo mother and grandmother — when what I NEED is a strong person and Mentor or any kind of support.


She's a nightmare who can't handle or support a "special needs" daughter. Doesn't want me to be one. Or be anything, quite frankly.


Looks like I'm going to have to be forced out the Nest again — BUT Instead of Doing It Right this time? They're Just Repeating the Same Old SHITSTORM and I'm being SHOVED OUT AGAIN.


Cat couldn't even be arsed to contact me about her birthday dinner tonight.


Fucking SHATTERS ME Inside.


No message on ANY FORM... to say she was coming down, to explain she wanted to go out with Mam & Dad for birthday dinner {on this night}, nothing to say I don't want to make you day no and ask when I know you can't come but I wanted to go out with Mam & Dad. When is best for you to be without them?


Nope. Nothing.


She Literally GHOSTED ME.


She even asked Eryl, who apparently "couldn't go" in the end — and I didn't even know about that until they were about to leave to go.


Then it all went to Hell in a Handbasket — ever since she started this... And BOY Did It Just Get WORSE from there.


Mam had a hissy fit cos I had a panic attack/Meltdown... And I tried reaching out but she ghosted me when she came back fromy sister’s stupid Dinner, saying SHE wasn't OK so of course we Must Do What SHE Wants.... Except we shouldn't. We should be Reaching Out to fix it. She didn't. So... I think I'm done. Beginning of the End.

I tried SO fucking hard to my own detriment. I've reached out when I wanted to scream and tear the World apart.... But not she..... She hasn't. And I am Done. She doesn't get to frighten me, ghost me when I reach out and think it's OK after.


She's all mouth and no substance.


For my own sake now ... I must flee again. I didn't want a mirror image of last time. I've Done Everything I can to prevent it. They haven't done any such thing.


So. We found a phone number for social housing.


....Guess we're going to try and call them.


I found a contact form for Conwy social welfare team "single point of contact". I've written a long and detailed message about All This, and Lolli will read it tomorrow and we shall send it... I guess.


I didn't even get to eat today because if this, because of them. Not the first time. Not the last.


If they decide to throw a Hissy Fit or tantrum like a 5yo instead of a 66yo mother & grandmother, and Storm off never to look back or return... so i! m left with whatever is left...


Naked on the toilet and alone and cold. Half-undressed in my room and cold. Without food. Without coffee for the night. Without care, safe, or even dignity. Just Neglect, emotional abuse, desperate Terror...


... AND the complete desperation of a child that just want their parents to love them more than they do themselves. Just Once.


Of course, it's never going to happen cos they don't care that much. Never enough to truly hope that in a way they might.


The Writing seems On The Wall. I suppose it's time to be brave.


Don't want to. At all.


But looks like there's no other Choice now.

Head is POUNDING. Fingers are PAINFUL & stumbling. Eyes are buzzy and cus. Entire Body is Buzzing And Agitated. SO HOT, feels like it's 40°C here... and inside me. I'm exhausted.

This is all Very Bad.


I haven't eaten — unless you cound umpteen Biscuits. And a couple of Red Leicester toasted sammich triangles.


Barely had enough coffee. She hadn't come back to make more. Or help. Being a diva is FAR More important. OBVIOUSLY.




OBVIOUSLY I am supposed to LUMP It. Put up with it. Cos SHE wants to do this.


She gets to ram all of it down my throat an I don't get A single Say In It.


And me?




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