Abscilla is Back... And in fine form it seems... Thing is that's messing up Everything. And Everything was REALLY Messed Up Enough As It Was....
Of late there's been nothing else but BlackOuts & weird sensations that probably should inevitably Be Pain but I don't know it.... Having Zero Sensation in your skin and most of your body is a double-edged sword. But I am mainly glad I'm not in any pain.
Three years ago I had a Bad gum abscess and I have it in my journal as being in 10++ PAIN. This one and last one.... Nothing at all. It's just hard to speak around it, sometimes, and it's makes it even harder to swallow. It's bad enough already; it doesn't need to be worse...
Feeling Awful, Awkward, Agitated, Overwhelmed, Lost & Confused... Nothing But Twitching, Buzzing, Vibrating, BlackOuts .... That HEAT in here is utterly Appalling...
I CANNOT KEEP LUCID. I keep having BlackOuts.
Everything about Fibro/Fibroplegia is going BANANAS... AND THEN SOME. The HEAT Is making this 1000x WORSE. I am struggling massively with the VERY BASIC of Basics - there is NO Functioning whatsoever.
I severely struggling with my cognition and my memory (particularly STM). I am unable to focus for Zero period of time on one thing... . I am struggling to balance and track my finances way too much now...It's becoming very Troubling. Disabling. Debilitating.
Hellish Morning & ABSCILLA CARE
This Morning... I Aspirated Again. Was Scared and feeling BAD... Not sure whether it was remembering about my face, it was the Nightmares, or the fact I was going take Meds. Not even sure how much it even was in the end, because I coughed so hard my stomach purged, too...
It wasn't that hard going to take them. I thought I'd managed it. But something I've found is that holding my breath can cause ling mucus gunk stuff to get gunkier and need Out. So I end up coughing a bunch out. Usually.
This possibly was the case, it maybe a bit of coffee made it down, too, but it took A LOT Of Effort to manage cos I am FUCKING DONE. Even used inhalers quite a lot. I was REALLY Nauseated when I woke, maybe from the Face Infection, cos I'm feeling Pretty Rough. Either way I needed Cyclizine.
In the end it didn't matter, because after trying to clear my lungs, I went and purged my stomach anyway.
Lungs were clear after that, too, so I guess it was a Job-Lot in the end. If it's enough to clear my stomach, obviously enough to clear my lungs too 🤷🏻♀️
It's literally left an utterly HORRID taste in my mouth -- almost as bad as COVID Smell/Taste.
... Looks like I'll be eating pills in bits again... GAH....(!) 🤨🤦🏻♀️
And Then It Got Worse.
... Cos then I had to get Lolli up for meds, too. On something Mam said first about checking if her Catheter was behaving itself again yet, I took a look — only to find out the leg bag was Straining with 98% fluid and 2% load of air...
Looks like my theory on Relaxing before I sorted itself out went a Bit Too Right....
I rushed to drain it all out of the bag, then woke up Lolli gently, and then felt her cranium hole for about 2 seconds before telling her quietly she needed to get up cos her head wasn't OK.
Her head was BULGING, as was the side of her face,!her cheek. Managed to get her upright to start the process of draining everything down.
After she took her own meds, I had to fight with her pillows to get them into a way more upright position for her like back on to go back to sleep.... Hydrocephalus is a bitch sometimes....
Took even more out of me, now.
Real Community Care
Mam got hold of the dentist people this morning .... And the dentist person just called back and Mam used to work with him at the Care Home when he would come to see the residents. It's possible that's why there's a good chance he might help me.
He's going to give me something to help... I think. Metronidazole was mentioned.... 12 May 2020 entry it has Quinoline (E104) & Sunset Yellow. So. That's a NO.
Or... It Should Be? He's asked me to at least try and see if I can cope with the effects long enough to kick this thing's backside. So... Meh. I'll give most things a shot if it's not in the NOT ON YOUR FUCKING LIFE list. The other one he wants me to take is Penicillin V, which is fair enough.
The Strange thing is -- this "help" he's giving me seems to be a one-off kind of situation these days...?
Apparently they "don't prescribe unseen" anymore (think he's basically doing my Mam a favour because they go way back through her old job)... though obviously had to during COVID... Fucking COVID was STUPID but also SPOILT Me in SO MNAY WAYS....
Chronic Illness, mental health, ND (esp. Autistic) people all finally getting what they needed. Stay home, only Skype & Zoom, or phone calls. No touch. No coming to your house - unless really necessary. SPOILT....!
How can we GO BACK when It FUCKING WORKED FOR THREE YEARS?? Lifelong misery, and then there was 3 years of RESPITE From outside & people hell... No touch. Isolate. Avoid. Stay 2m apart. Hide your face. No don't leave your house. No we won't come to your house. No one interact with anyone. Everything online. No one allowed in the house.
Ironic how all the NT people were crying about "how traumatising" and "unnatural" it all felt... When I finally found my Comfort Zone. They only had to do that much for less than two years.
The irony of course being that's the EXACT SAME WAY I, WE, FEEL EVERY FUCKING DAY IN THEIR "NORM", TOO. Except we don't get it for 18 or 20 months. We get it for .... 8 or 9 DECADES. IF we survive that long.
CANT THE TWO WAYS FUCKING COINCIDE & COEXIST THESE DAYS??
Three years of misery for NT ... And a respite from LIFELONG HELL For Me. And now... That Respite from People & Social Overload is going away. Now COVID has left me WORSE... All it's perks making it easier to cope are GOING AWAY.
"We don't prescribe unseen" .... Then I will BE FORCED to go to A&E since you don't come to the house...?? Clogging up a spot, using up their resources. For one. Stupid. Piece of Paper. Fucking SKYPE ME if you want to SEE ME that badly! I already sent a stupid picture. Spent TWO HOURS trying to do so (dickhead servers....)...
This is also what happened with Lolli at Christmas. If we'd have gone to A&E in the morning instead of wasting time with 111, TO AVOID GOING TO A&E.... we'd have been home by evening.
Instead we didn't come home till around midday The Day After. After more than 12 hours if waiting over for the UROLOGIST TEAM to come back in after clocking off at 8pm.
Worse... Spent 24 HOURS WAITING FOR HELP.
Thing is.... Nothing is keeping up with what is going ON.
Seriously.... If they WANT care in the community and people OUT of hospital & A&E unless your head is actually hanging off, then....
Why is there nothing out there that actually ALLOWS YOU To do so...??
There's No... Safety Nets.