It's been a strangely weird last few days, where everything has felt extremely Super-Surreal. The Weather Doesn't Help -- Rollercoaster Isobars and Hot, Muggy, Heavy Weather around.
It's nothing but BlackOuts & weird sensations that probably should inevitably Be Pain but I don't know it.... Feeling Awful, Awkward, Agitated, Overwhelmed, Lost & Confused...
Today was nothing but Utter Shambles...
I feel only CHAOTIC, AGITATED & STRESSED... And Anxious....
Been trying to send the Alex Hospital Dentist person an email with my details, medical history and meds on, with a pic.... It's taken over TWO HOURS TO MANAGE THIS......
It is utterly RIDICULOUS -- and I had to do it out of Outlook in the end because there's a Server just rejecting the emails I was sending - crushing them at Mail Daemon.... And after THAT Debacle, I Am Very NOT OK.
It's Done Now... FINALLY.
At last, I now don't have to worry about THAT at least...
There's a LOT To Be Said About The ".nhs.uk" national servers -- it's just Gmail for NHS staff, with Bandwidth narrower than a damned Paperclip.
Basic, Portal-based on a WAY Oversubscribed Basic Server. No different to signing up on Hotmail/Outlook or Gmail; it's not specialist, it's "cheap" (i.e. probably "free" for the Trusts to use). You literally sign into it on a browser portal, just like you used to when logging into "MSN Hotmail" back in the day.
EVERY NHS worker HAS to have one of these, if their job involves dealing with some kind of Admin, even Contractors & Temps). I was automatically set up with one of these, even though I had a "real" Professional One based on the Hospital's Own Servers that I worked in. I never used the "Generic" one. I Never Used It, except to do some work that involved dealing with people I didn't want to have direct access to my "real" email.
I HATE it. Immeasurably.
My Mind won't settle — Just cannot get focused...... I MISS THAT SO MUCH.... My body is Wrong and it KNOWS that ... Instinctively – Not Just The Idea.... And It Just Upends It.
The CHAOS Inside myself, my Head, my Brain is utterly unbearable.
Pain tears through my heart, my soul
And Confusion is all I know
Don't know up from down
I Don't know where I'm supposed to go
I've been hurt too many times
To open up my heart to feel
Feel my Soul
Please come and Save Me
Tears always stream down from my broken heart
Torment pushes any happiness away
Right from the start
Can't help wondering What If
What could have been
Life torn apart
Please come and Save Me.