I've long always known I Belong In The Dark. But I made a... B.A.D Decision... After my Ococcusses.
I told myself I would never actively want to die again -- after fighting to stay alive.
But Ever Since Then... The Darkness has been ... Gone. That's been... Ultimately... A BAD Thing.
And unfortunately being.... Removed... From it has made me Very Lost & Alone in the Light. A place I haven't been since I was about 10 or 11. I do NOT belong there.
Except I have been STUCK THERE for coming up to SIX. FUCKING. YEARS ...... LOST. HOMELESS.
And Too fucking TERRIFIED to Return now..
The Rabbit Hole IS waiting for me.
It's been waiting for a WHILE — I’VE BEEN FEELING ITS PRESENCE FOR A WHILE...
I feel like... There's a Constant DREAD hanging over me, waiting to Absolutely IMPLODE. I feel CONSTANT DESPAIR ... Anguish... ANGER... I am NOT Used To This -- This is what the DARKNESS deemed... IRRELEVENT. Basically. Being there was being happy in my own world INSTEAD OF TRAPPED IN THIS ONE.
I've lived in The Darkness since I was... maybe 14 years old. I was definitely already there by 15... But I'd bet Starbucks coffee beans I'd at least been In Training from about 12yo Onwards.
It was My Home... BUT NOW... The "Light" side feels FAMILIAR and it's been... a relief in Some Ways not to feel so ... DEAD.
...That DEAD was my Saviour, though. This enamoured idea of The Light is just about giving up something that's more of a nice Novelty.
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