WIRED… OVER-TIRED… CAN’T SLEEP…. STILL NO SLEEP…. In a Disaster Area of Brutal Destructive Chaos that makes Hurricane Katrina look like A Bit Of A Mess…
WANT TO FIX IT ALL… AND GODS-DAMNED CAN’T …. My body doesn’t like to do anything that involves ACTUAL FUNCTIONING ANYMORE… IT’S HAD MORE THAN WAY WAY WAY ENOUGH by now…..
I am Over-Stressed… FAR Too Over-Tired… HUGELY UNDER-Caffeinated… There is TOO Much WRONG. ADHD SCREAMS at me to FIX. THEM. ALL…. NOW.
My Fibro-Raveged body silently, furiously glares at them ALL, just going… “SHUT. THE. F**K UP…! Hi - Fibro-Ravged Dead Body Living on Zombie-Brains Barely MOVING, Here………… !!!!” * Glaring FURIOUS Face *
But that’s ALL THE TIME, anyway…. That’s NOTHING New. But SOMETHING Else Is.
I am Traumatised by the Two Hospital Trips Last Month, and I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO NOT BE SO…. I am Also Wired, Over-Tired and maybe TOO SCARED TO SLEEP ANYMORE…
And I can’t even CONVEY what my BODY has been through as well… It’s ACTUALLY EVEN WORSE… Which is Making EVERYTHING ELSE…. EVEN WORSE….
Lolli was BADLY ILL FOR TWO MONTHS… and was Already requiring 24/7 intervention with her Catheter for TWO YEARS before THAT…. But THAT hardly PETRIFIED Me into TERRIFIED OBLIVION….
THE 60 DAYS of 24/7 Nursing Lolli and the TWO GRUELLINGLY HORRIFIC… FREAKING Inevitable but ENTIRELY AVOIDABLE (!!!) …. Hospital Trips during December 2022 - Ruining “CHRISTMAS”… Has SLAMMED Into Me Like A Juggernaut Careering towards me on the end of a Rocket….
My CPTSD already CANNOT COPE with HORRORS it’s ALREADY seen, Endured, Survived, Lived Through — It Has ZERO CAPACITY for ANY more — so anything now that is Traumatic IMMEDIATELY Explodes in my psyche and Destroys It….
There is NO PEACE Here that I Can Steal….
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